Getting to Know You

Lately I've kind of been in an asexual rut. No man has grabbed my attention at a bar. Talking to people seems like too much effort. And after spending months trying to figure it out, I finally decided that, quite frankly, I'd rather be home reading a book. Optimistic, I know.

Until recently, that book had been 4 Blondes by Candace Bushnell. Set in the Upper East Side and Easthampton, the plot follows a hot, blonde supermodel who only dates men in the highest tax bracket. Her world of parties, billionaires and gifted Gucci bags had me hooked by page 2, but by page 40, right around the time she decides to be taken seriously and rents her own cottage in the Hamptons (with gifted money), my interest flew out the window. The book had no substance. No meat. Nothing under that fluffy hook. It was boring.

Before that, the last book I'd read was A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving. All of his work had somehow slipped through my school's literary canon and, as an English major, I'd felt compelled to devote some time to his post-modern comedy. Boy, did I fucking hate that book. I found the narrator appallingly boring and kept waiting for dialogue or blood or something. I started it 4 times, certain that page 89 would hold something that grasped my fancy. As a last ditch effort, I took it on a six week road trip this summer, and night after night of camping made me finish it. And now? It's one of my favorite books.

Like all of my favorites, it took time to see the beauty of A Prayer for Owen Meany. I had to read several scenes, sift through layers of themes, motifs and metaphors, before I discovered its message, its intricacy and its beauty. In the end, this is what held my interest. Not parties and diamonds and Gucci.

Now, I'm not big on sweeping metaphors, but I literally can't help but point out the similarity between reading these books and meeting new people. When I'm out at a bar, I look for an instant spark with someone. If I don't find it, I move on. Lately, it's been the latter, hence the asexual rut, but what I always forget is that the good ones take some time to get to know. The people in my life that I still have the deepest connection to, didn't spark with me. But I started them 4 times, and after a while, I came to see and to love what they're really about.

How many people have I missed out on because I was looking for that perfect, first-time electricity? Can you have that spark and still be interested four months down the road? Is that what a soul mate is? I don't know. And I don't expect to know any time soon. But what I can do is make sure that every person I meet gets some attention, some questions and some time. And hopefully next time you hear from me, I'll be out of that asexual rut and into get the picture.;id=2;

  • Alla Smokie
  • Invite Only, Publicly visible
  • 21 February 2019
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